Falling out of love.. ??

One by one, little by little it has all just started fading away
Slowly, without even I realizing it, the heart has stopped beating too fast, the excitement is wearing off , and I have started to forget things...

Waiting for the time when we can talk face to face
Waiting for the time when we can hold hands and walk

Waiting for the time to see your eyes and sweet smile

Waiting for the time to listen those 3 words with a kiss

Waiting for the time to feel you for real..so close…

Waiting for my world to stop…

Wedding Drama

I will not ask you for anything else in my whole life..Believe me.. I will live the way you want me to... i will do whatever you wish me to... I promise..!! Just Don’t make me break the promise i made to myself 15 years back..Believe me if i break that i will not be able to see myself in eye..Will not be happy .... i will never be able to call myself sensible and educated ..
Just this little wish of mine.. Please ...just one small wish..Dear God!!
Give me a way...a solution.. atleast let me try .. i might fail in it..But i want to try ...Help me God... You know all this ..what all keeps running in my mind all these days and you too see all this from somewhere .. the wedding drama,,i am talking about...
You know that i don’t go to weddings.. in fact i have not attended any wedding in last 15 years ..Not a single wedding... And you know the reason why ..
                             Because I hate the wasteful expenditures and dramas associated with it 
15 years back when i attended my cousins wedding i made a promise to myself that i am not going to get married this way ..Not at all! God will find me someone sensible enough who can understand and will help me keep my promise.

We all are educated and sensible people and how can someone like us still wants to get married in those old ways..Why are we  still scared to break the trend.. y can’t we keep the things simple..y on one hand u say that girls are equal to guy and on the same time u make a girl's parent suffer so much just becoz they have a daughter who in fact is much more capable then u .
Have u ever got sometime to think that those traditions and  customs  have some meanings..
Yes, i do understand that weddings give families a chance to get together and enjoy .i have no problem with that but only when it is mean for close and real relatives and friends.. Not for everyone u said a Hi sometime..Some years back...sometime
Can you open your eyes and see that your way means so much waste of time, energy and resources, just for one function. What do you think.. All those people who come to the wedding, all are happy for you? believe me, no ,not even half of them are ,,this is today's world..Wake up !!
Please Dont' do it just for the sake of doing or becoz every1 else is doing.. What people will think and talk of if we will not follow the same path... they all are fools..We are not..Not everyone is Laxmi mittal ..  Just think, how difficult is for a salaried employee to take so many leaves and prepare for one day. Whole life's saving has to be spend just for that one grand reception..
Why...????
You and your family might be very ambitious about your marriage ..They might have some competition with someone in the society to excel in who spends more on wedding But just for their satisfaction in beating their neighbor by spending more money make no sense to me.
Why to invite hundreds and thousands of people to feast ,Cant these invited guests afford to eat a good dinner ,then y scores of costly items are included in the main dinner? Looks like they can’t.. that the reason they fall on the dinner like vultures and fill their bellies and the thing i hate the most ..They leave behind heavy amounts of leftover which will be consigned to drains
That wasted food could extinguish the fire of hunger of hundreds of people who die of starvation .
Those who get their kids married in lavish way would have ancestral property /wealth or they may be corrupt officials, dishonest politicians, black-marketers, smugglers and hoarders ..For them The black wealth flows into their lockers with an uncontrolled rush and speed.
           We are not.. We are salaried employees who haven’t  gone on a single family vacation just because the school/college fees were so high for all we kids that parents hardly could save anything
They are repaying the loan for the home, for the studies and many more things..dont make me feel bad about myself that i didn't let them enjoy their youth as they were earning hard for me..to make my wishes true and now when i am leaving them then also they will not be in peace .. i will leave them penniless and make their life worse..
I dont see any fun in getting dolled up in white powder and all other makeup and become a mannequin..nor do i think any of the bride-groom will feel comfortable sitting like  gagged spectator ..and getting pics clicked with every1 with a smile when deep inside  i will be dying of shame that i couldn’t keep my promise to myself

We work in IT industry where you can be laid off anytime..There is no pension.. How will u survive post retirement?? In such a time where petrol cost u Rs 80/L... how will you manage a family of 4-5 ?Y dont you want to spend that money in buying a flat or going for a world tour or may be helping other ..poors..use that money to get sum1 pay their college or school fee and make sum1 stand on his/her feet.
 I know that deep down in  heart ,the guy understand and agree with what all I am telling   but just for the sake of this society ,if someone is not speaking, if he can't take a stand for me on this very right thing, how can i be sure that he will be with me in all my ups& downs. Don’t be so adamant guy..Think about it!!
We are Jains..Jains who have bests of best Teachings...
We the one who don’t leave any leftover in our plates will be responsible for leaving tons of food in feast from which we can ideally feed hundreds of poors, who believe in Ahimsa will be killing hundreds of microorganisms .it is our gurus who give us live example of living in simplicity, can’t we make just one occasion of our life simple if not our complete life?

Think about it ...

My Crazy life these days ...

à   The crazy old landlady get me on my nerves  with her torturous comments and loud voice.(You super miser  woman.. now I know…your daughter-in –law must have left you because of your perverse nature )

à   I am hating my office..Every single cell of my body says a NO every morning  when I have to get ready for office ..cell..mind..body..soul..sab k sab .... array..no quality work here …I have to drag myself to office everyday and while on my way to office I wish that I get stuck in traffic or somewhere but just that I don’t reach office in time and same is the feeling when I start back for the room in evening..Nowhere else to go L(all you stupid friends why you all get transferred to other cities?)

à   No promotion at work (not that my performance is not good... it’s just because of stupid HR policy....you HR ..!!  letz c what excuse u come up with this June when I am completing 2 years here )

à   I want to switch job but some future plan is holding me back to do so...(I don’t know how intelligent is this to suffer in present for something planned In future)

à   I wake up every morning with the question “what to cook today?”(and yeah same is the question every evening too.. and that makes me realize when back at home mom use to ask this question ..I use to get annoyed and say..”kuch bhee bana lo naa..poochte kyun ho “ now.. Now..I know... that this ‘kuch bhee’ is so difficult to cook )

à   I skip meals and then keep worrying and cribbing that I don’t put on weight (All you relatives and friends don’t blame me for being so lazy to cook  ...am not!!... see the above point..and yeah also this scrawny body structure is one  thing I have inherited  from family elders..)

à   The repeated watching of HIMYM/Friends and Sarabhai Vs Sarabhai doesn’t bore me at all (looks like I am too old to try something new)

à   I have to watch movies alone and I hate it... (First of all I am not a movie freak but then once in a month if I watch a Hindi movie I need someone to listen to my funny comments on every other scene ...datz d time I miss having a roomie )

à   Not even 10 days pass by in gurgaon and I start missing home and mom so much.(I don’t know how will I be able to live far from her once she will get me married and send me away with some stranger ..buhuuu buhuu ..I will not go alone...Will take you with me..Mommy!!)

à   Now a day I am concerned about my physical appearance more than ever... I was always okay with whatever my looks are...Beauty parlor, workouts and painful beauty treatments were a big NO for me... But suddenly in last few months this has changed... I feel I don’t have a right physique, good skin etc etc  (why can’t someone accept me the way I am . ohooo…whatever!! stupidity is that I don’t work on improving it )

à   I plan a lot these days but only 10% of it gets executed... rest all.. Hah! castles in the  air (I make To Do list almost every week and act only on half of them )

à   One moment I feel like I have found true love and other moment it makes no sense to me ..

à   I don’t read books and don’t even feel like picking up my pencil to draw..The only thing I do as soon as I get a free minute is either day dream or read blog..(specially when I’m  in office ..Even right now I m writing this from my office desk.)

à   I keep thinking of all those days when i was so much fun..Very talkative, Very daring..Independent person.. What the hell is wrong with me now???? I miss myself L

And you say Women are complicated.. huh!!

I have heard that all the time that men are simple ..i really doubt on that ..spclly when they are in some relationship..men..huh..you men !!
One week they will call you two-three times in a day . the other week.not a single call in whole week..
sometime they are sweet  and then they are not ..sometime they care for so much and at times you dont even exist for them ...
 They call when they have some free time or when they are bored or have noone else to talk to ..but when you call them..they behave as if you have disturbed them or they are bored of your talks or they are occupied with something else....They do things at their convinence
and then  how can they expect your undivided attention.....when they dont show you a steady behaviour ..They better understand that we want to be their priority and not their option.. how can their saying 'I love You ' at the end of phone conversation  makes up for every mistake they do ..those are mere words ..we want to see that love in  your action .got my point....u  men !!

Growing old..

Last week i celebrated my b'day ..28th B'day ...God jee !! 28 years of my life are over ..and now  suddenly after the b'day i have start realising that i am growing old...
I feel old  everytime when  ...

• When college friends post the pics of their kids with titles 'my baby' , 'anshu's 4th b'day ','riya's first sports day '.. (my God !! are these really my college frnds.. when did they get married and when did they become parents and how come their kids are in school so soon...)
• When i see my first  offer letter and realise that it is 5.5 years old.. (Time flies..)
• When i see  so many younger people in the office and team (I have to behave sincere which is very difficult for me to do  and my seniors who used to treat me as a kiddo earlier ..don't do that anymore)
• Most of the college and school friends even the juniors are married now and hence along with their b'days i also have to remember thier wedding anniversary date ( spclly for those whose wedding i couldnt attend for some reason.. guilty feeling )and the worst part is that i can't recall their hubby/wifey's name and have to cover it up by saying.. " Tere WO kaisey hain ??" or "Kaisi ha teri MADAM jee ?"
• Conversations with the buddies are no longer around fashion,movies or collge crushes but about work,life,hubby,In-laws,shaadi etc etc
• When kids call me AUNTY instead of Didi and when my cousin's kids call me "Mausi /Bua"...
• When evrytime i see my this very one gray hair i feellike crying.
• When OLAY skin cream advertisment  tempt me to buy it .
• When my younger  brother or other family  kids laugh at me and tease me when i say sumthng like  " When i was in school.."  they laugh back saying  " WHEN ?'1947'? " buhuuuuuhuuuu :(
• When those "door kee bua/chachi" talk all the stuff intentionally when i am around  like "in our time,gals use to get married before the age of 25 "," Childbearing after 30 is difficult.. " (remind me... next time they say i again.. i have to tell them Aishwarya/Lara dutta's example)

oh ho... i crib so much ....par kya kroon... budhape mein aisa hee hota hai.... :(

Darling Sister

My sis.. my sweetheart ...a permanent part of my childhood ..Family's darling..gem of our eye ..u r so cute !!
We love you so muchhhhh...